Thursday, December 21, 2006

I have been trying to keep up with my movie watching lately. I've seen three movies in theatres and a few rented. By "a few" I mean tons and tons of rented movies. In theatres, I've seen Deja Vu, The Holiday, and Eragon. All pretty good, but I've realized something about myself. I really like to talk during movies. But only during movies that take themselves so seriously. I loved The Holiday and only talked a few times, about the music, John Krasinski, etc. But when we saw Eragon (which was good, don't get me wrong) I couldn't keep my mouth shut. All of the serious glances and dragons and fiery people had me laughing when I should have been serious. What is it about serious movies that make me want to make fun of them? I like to boil it down to lack of originality--in the movie I mean ;-)

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

My friends and I have recently bought $8 skateboards from Academy. We now realize that this was not the smartest decision. Apparently, Becky and Rachel's skateboards are both cracked (only slightly... don't get too excited). Whether or not we have bad skateboards should not be our excuse for our lack of talent in this area. We're not absolutely terrible--meaning we haven't fallen too hard--but we're also not very good. Here are a few of my highlights--picture this: Me, laying on my back on the ground with my skateboard in the bushes. How did I get there? That's a good question. All I remember is that I got on my skateboard and it suddenly decided it didn't want me there anymore so it ran away. Apparently the bushes looked more inviting. Next day, we were getting a little better on the boards and we started to get a little overly confident. I decide to ride all the way down the hill until I hit the uneven curve. My skateboard stopped and I experienced the wonderful texture of gravel.

Needless to say, there are many more stories, some that don't even involve me, but these are my first two and they have sentimental value so I thought I'd share. We're much better now--still some accidents--but we manage to stay on the boards for much longer.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Finals Week is HERE!!! It's not as stressful as I thought it would be. The only slight change is that The Bean is crowded with people with books. That's not a sight you see very often.

Friday, December 08, 2006


Happy Birthday to Crista, my beautiful roommate!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Christmas Song
by The Dave Matthews Band

She was his girl, he was her boyfriend
She'd be his wife, and make him her husband
A surprise on the way any day any day
One healthy little giggling, dribbling baby boy
The wisemen came, three made their way
To shower him with love as he lay in the hay

Shower him with love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love was all around.

Not very much of his childhood was known
Kept his mother Mary worried always out on his own
He met another Mary, who for a reasonable fee,
Less than reputable was known to be

His heart was full of love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love was all around.

When Jesus Christ was nailed to his tree
Said oh Daddy-O, I can see how it all soon will be
I came to shed a little light on this darkening scene
Instead I fear I've spilled the blood my children all around
The blood of my children all around
The blood of my childrens all around

So I'm told, so the story goes
The people he knew were less than golden-hearted
Gamblers and robbers,
Drinkers and jokers, all soul searchers
Like you and me, like you and me
Rumors insisted that he soon would be
For his deviations taken into custody
By the authorities, less informed than he
Drinkers and jokers, all soul searchers

Searching for love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love was all around.

Preparations were made for a celebration day
He said eat this bread but think of it as me
Drink this wine and dream it will be
The blood of our children all around
The blood of our children all around
The blood of our children all around

Father up above
Why in all this hatred do you fill me up with
Love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love is all around

Father up above
Why in all this hatred do you fill me up with love
Fill me love, love, yeah
Love. love, love
Love, love, and the blood of our children all around.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Picture from our summer... funny thing to be looking at while it's snowing outside I know!




I love the snow... the smell, the look, the cold...

I've never been one to sleep in on a snow day. It's such a waste of a beautiful day. I always want to be out doing something and loving the weather. Yesterday, we bought skateboards and I'm now thinking we should have done this a little bit sooner. There's no way we'll be able to practice on our skateboards for the next few days probably! But I'm okay with that if it means no class and snow.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Ever have a small muscle that just won't stop twitching? It's annoying, right? All day I've had a muscle in my neck that won't stop twitching. Even as I'm sitting in class, I'm looking around wondering if anyone can notice that my neck is spasing out. Let's just say, it's a little distracting.

Can you guess the 100 top TV catchphrases?

My favorites on the list:
--BAM!! (Emeril)
--Come on down!!! (The Price is Right)
--Gee, Mrs. Cleaver... (Leave it to Beaver)
--I want my MTV! (MTV ad)
--No soup for you! (Seinfeld)
--Well, isn't that special? (SNL)

Not on the list but should be:
--That's what she said (The Office)

Monday, November 13, 2006


This weekend at Tech was great!! The friends I've become close to here at ACU have been great, but there's something in the dynamic of a group of older friends that feels more relaxing. Staying with Savanna was great and we got to hang out with our friend Katie who also goes to Tech. Caption for the picture: Eryn, Katie, Me, Katie (goes to Tech), and Savanna.

I've stolen all of these from Eryn's facebook b/c I don't have a digital camera. This picture is of Katie's face trying to take a picture of me when I don't want my picture taken.


I absolutely love Eryn's face in this picture. This is one of the many pictures they took of me not wanting to be in the picture. Don't worry, I am in some of them :)


Meet Savanna... she knows how to take a picture.

Friday, November 10, 2006

I have been struggling with my astronomy class. I hate to be one of those people who blames disliking a class because of the teacher, but it's not just me. This teacher doesn't know what he's talking about and doesn't know how to make tests. When the class average is a 59 on a test, it's probably not the students fault. I know that I did poorly on the test because I don't pay attention in that class or study well, but many people in that class do study and pay attention and read every word in the book and they can only manage a 70 on the test. He gave us re-test today and told us to be better prepared this time. I don't know why I was surprised, but it was the same test we took last time just in a different order. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how everyone does this time.

Katie, Eryn, and I are traveling today to Lubbock to see our friend, Savanna, at Texas Tech. Pray that we don't end up killing each other this weekend.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006


October 31st. It's Halloween. It's also an anniversary. It's been one year, tonight, since Erica died. Erica Knoll-16 years old-ten days from her 17th birthday-"huffed" two cans of Dust-Off to get high-it killed her. I find myself defending her death (and life) to people who ask how she died. It wasn't suicide. Anyone who knew her could tell you that. Erica just projected happiness whenever you were near her. But it wasn't this in-your-face perkiness that annoys everyone. It was a subdued contentment with herself that just felt good to be around. Tenth grade was when I really knew Erica. I had met her in middle school and played in band with her, but I really started to talk to her my sophomore year. Our group of friends always ended up hanging out in the basement of her house or just sitting and talking on the trampoline in her backyard. I wish I could tell you every single memory I have there, but that would take too long. The first months were hard, yes, but I got through it. I'm constantly reminded of her. Every time I yawn I think of her because I tend to make this weird sound when I yawn and she was the only other person who heard it. I hadn't talked to Erica directly since December when I got the call from Katelynn on November 1st telling me what had happened. I had heard that Erica had been getting into that kind of stuff in the past few months, but you never really think anything's going to happen to someone you know even when you see it all the time. It had been the third death of the school year for my old school and I can't even imagine what it was like there during this time. It's all very sad and I wish it hadn't happened but I know that you can't dwell on what's happened. You have to move on and yet remember at the same time. I went to the beach this summer with some of these friends and you can tell that her death is still on their minds, but when they talk of Erica, they don't turn the conversation too serious. Someone'll say that something reminded them of Erica and then everyone will agree with smiles because we all know it's okay to move on.

"The Heart of Life"
by John Mayer

I hate to see you cry
Laying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good

I know it's good

Thursday, October 26, 2006

I have this book that I put stuff in. I don't know where this stuff comes from. Whatever I find, I put it in. Song lyrics, magazine pictures, photographs, scraps of paper, movie tickets... anything. It's a cheap blue book with blank pages that I try to fill with what I have. Some of the pages are falling out and it's not even half-way full, but... it's... me. I like some pages more than others. Sometimes the page I start doesn't come out the way I think it will. Sometime I like the outcome and sometimes I don't. But I can't take the page out without losing the beautiful page on the back of it. There's this one page that I can't decide whether I'm finished with it or not. The page is new, but I've had the picture for awhile. It's simple and I like it, but something's missing and I can't figure it out.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Since we didn't have classes on Friday, some of my friends and I decided to go camping. We had originally planned to leave midday Friday and come back midday Saturday. Then, midday Friday turned into Friday night and we didn't end up leaving Abilene until 8 o'clock :) We got to the state park around 8:15 and we didn't know whether it was okay to go find a campsite or not without telling someone first. It's already dark outside, so the only lit area is the one light near the ranger office and by reading the many signs that were posted, we figured it would be okay to camp as long as we payed by 9:00 the next morning. 20 minutes probably passed from the time we got to the state park and found a site because we couldn't find the campsites that were only Tent and Water even though we realized later that the light we brought needed electricity. We set up the 12-person tent in the dark and Rachel (Elizabeth) made the fire. If you had seen us, you would have been very impressed. We made smores and played catchphrase and talked about camp songs.... we also had a lot of fun at the expense of the people camping near us. It was a van full of people who had lights on their heads. We called them Aliens. There were only 5 of us in the 12-person tent, but we survived. We later realized that the ground had tons of huge, pointy rocks in it, but we weren't bothered by them. It was a brief trip but fun nonetheless.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Crista is leaving me in a few hours. Tomorrow is Fall Break so she is going home to Missouri to see her BOYFRIEND! somehow she thinks that he's more important ;)

FAREWELL MY BEAUTIFUL ROOMMATE!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006


Since I've finally figured out how to post pictures... here is Rachel Cunningham and Me... if only I had one of us when we were little

Monday, October 16, 2006


I've had quite the weekend. It was long and exhausting, but totally worth it. It's funny to think that, had I stayed at Lipscomb, it would have been my "Fall Break". While I was at Lipscomb, I had already planned with Katie to meet her in Dallas for the Jamie Cullum concert on Friday and then come back to Abilene with her, stay in her dorm, and go see Singing In The Rain with her on Saturday. I now wonder how well that would have worked out, but I guess it doesn't matter now.

Jamie Cullum on Friday was AmAZinG! He's kind of jazzy with a lot of soul... it's pretty incredible. His voice was fantastic and his whole band was so incredibly talented. His drummer had this like 2 minute solo and it's all in this jazz style of music so it wasn't just one of those annoying drum solos where all the drummer knows how to do is BANG on his drums-it was actually really good. He could also play guitar, which neither Katie nor I knew he could do. When he picked up the guitar he started talking about how his parents brought him up on classic music like James Taylor. Then he began playing a song that's all too familiar to me. "Fire and Rain" has always been part of my life, but I never really knew it was about losing someone until I lost Erica. It's coming on a year now since she's died and when Jamie started playing that song, I started to tear up. It took me a little while to recover from it so I don't even remember what song he played after it. He was incredible.

Because we got back from the concert so late, I slept until about 12:30 on Saturday. I had planned on going to the Homecoming parade and trying to see my Aunt and Uncle while they were here in town, but I didn't get to do either :( The only reason I did wake up was because Katie called me to go to the football game. Now, normally I would not go to the game, but because it was homecoming and because I knew I would just sleep if I didn't go--I went. The game was boring even though we won, but I had a lot of fun. Katie and Eryn are camera Nazis so there are about a thousand pictures of me on Facebook now! The one I've posted was taken at the game. Katie is in the middle, for those who don't know, and Eryn is on the right. I'm of course on the left, representing Bowie!

Saturday night, Katie and I went to see Singin In The Rain which was the ACU Homecoming musical and it was pretty good. I really only have a few complaints, but since it is one of my favorite movies of all time, it should be expected that I would be critical. First, the girl who played Kathy was squeaky when she sang "Good Morning" which is my favorite song. I also didn't like that the stage version added some songs because I think they were completely unnecessary. Overall though, it was good. The guy who played Cosmo did a great job. "Make 'Em Laugh" was really good--the whole thing with the doll was hilarious! The guy who played Don was also good, but there can be no comparison to Gene Kelly!

I went to church on Sunday and then went home to do laundry for the first time in two weeks!! I put a load in the washer and then went with my mom to see Lucy's soccer game, but it started to rain as we were there. I still had my dress on from church (hello! it's laundry day!) and I had no idea it would get semi-see through in the rain. So, mom and I left and I was almost done with my laundry when I had to leave for Kayla's house. Kayla is my friend from Abilene High School is now going to Rhodes College in Memphis and she was back for this weekend so she had a dinner party at her house with a bunch of her old Abilene friends. It was really good because, not only is Kayla an incredible cook, but she's also such a great person. She was really touched that everyone came and I'm so glad I went. I went back home, got my clothes out the dryer and came back to my dorm, where I almost immediately went to sleep--forgetting that I had to read for Bible the next day.

Monday, October 02, 2006

The new Indigo Girls songs have been replaying over and over in my head... I have to share

Pendulum Swinger

I meet you for coffee
We get together periodically
I got a bad case I can't shake off of me
The fevered walking round wondering how it ought to be
You work in the system
You see the possibilities and you're glistening
Eyes show the hell you're gonna give 'em
When they back off the mic for once and give it to a woman

I dream like a mad one
Brutal fantasies I catch as catch can
I'm a psychic and a laywoman
I see love and I like to make it happen
What we get from your war walk
Ticker of the nation breaking down like a bad clock
I want the pendulum to swing again
So that all your mighty mandate was just spitting in the wind

It doesn't come by the bullwhip
It's not persuaded with your hands on your hips
Not the company of gunslingers
The epicenter love is the pendulum swinger
She is She is She is

It's fine about the old scroll Sanskrit
Gnostic gospels the da vinci code's a smash hit
Aren't we dying just to read it and relate it
Too hard just to go by a blind faith
But they left out the sisters
I've been praying to a father god so long I really missed her
The goddess of benevolence
You should listen to your mama if you have a lick of sense left

Pushed under by the main press, buried under a code of dress
Relegated by the Vatican
But you can't keep a spirit down that wants to get up again

If we're a drop in the bucket
With just enough science to keep from saying fuck it
Until the last drop of sun burns its sweet light
Plenty revolutions left until we get this thing right

Friday, September 29, 2006

What if there were no music in the world? what if it were never invented?

There were no songs of praise, no songs of rebellion, no lullabies.

No instruments, no dancing.

No children's rhymes, no stories told by voices that could pierce your heart.

No other way to express yourself.

In my opinion, there would be no life without music.

Monday, September 25, 2006

I have just reconnected with my friend Rachel. She was my very first best friend and she one of my best new friends. It's crazy how easily we just got back. We have a class together so we started talking and now she's practially my other roommate! I love her to death and it's so amazing that we could be so close after so many years of not talking!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I went all day yesterday to the Austin City Limits festival and it was amazing! Katie and I were pretty exhausted but that didn't take away from the incredible people who were playing. We decided to go all three days next year! We left at 5:45 from Abilene and got to Austin around 9:45--we had a lot of time to circle downtown Austin before we parked so that Katie could change and we could take the shuttle to the fairgrounds where the festival actually was.

We kicked off the festival by buying T-shirts.. Katie bought a John Mayer shirt and a ACL shirt... I bought a Stars shirt which I LOVE!! When the clouds started rolling in we were kind of relived b/c it was amazingly humid.. I felt like I was in Maryland! We were buying water when the rain came... and when it rained it POURED!!! We walked (still raining) to hear Anathallo play and the rain let up a bit. (Let me tell you glasses in the rain can be a pain!) As we were listening to this band (who were had great energy and a really cool sound) Katie turns around to see Sandi who we knew from Abilene High, who now goes to Baylor... we talk to her while the rain comes again and the band finishes playing.

We walk across the fairgrounds to hear The Stills and the rain has finally stopped... this band is great... kind of like The Clash meets new indie music... really great voices!! By this time, we're hungry and still wet but the heat has come back so we're sweaty as well! We both got little pizzas from Austin's pizza and they were amazing! It was, honestly, one of the best pizzas I've ever had! We decide to go early to KT Tunstall so we will be able to see but even as we're walking there we can tell that other people had the same idea.. we have to climb over people and find a space just big enough for us to stand while we wait for half an hour for her to come out.. but when she did it was completely worth it... her vocals were right on and she has such great energy! A woman was on a platform, just below the stage but high enough for the audience to see, doing sign language... and she was REALLY into it.. we got a kick out of her!

After KT, we found a place to just sit and rest for awhile as the sun beat down on us... Sandi had been at the festival all weekend so she had already burnt and was afraid of getting worse so we tried to shield her with our hands... we got slushies and ate them as we walked to see Matisyahu... who I love but I figured Sandi or Katie wouldn't be too exicted about but were willing to come with me... Matisyahu is an orthodox Hasidic Jew whose music is a mixture of reggae, rap, and rock... it's pretty awesome! He's so serious about his beliefs and good at captivating the audience.. I loved it... Sandi had to leave half way through and Katie just doesn't like reggae so I was alone on this one!

At this point, the crowd has multiplied! times 100!! it's unbelievable how many people could fit on this fairground! We're tired and we get to the stage where Matt Costa is playing and we lay down and listen to him... both of us are close to sleep when Katie gets up and says we probable shouldn't fall asleep :) We get to Ben Harper early and it's already packed.. for good reason too because when Ben Harper gets out there--it's incredible--I absolutely loved him and he played some of my favorite songs and it was just incredible! I cannot express in words how amazing this guy is!!

We left early because we were so tired but it was a good thing we did because Katie wouldn't have made it if we hadn't left when we did... by the end of the ride, she was getting angry with me because I wasn't able to come up with anything to talk about... so I was no help to her plus I can't drive so I couldn't help her out that way either! all in all it was great day and I am so glad I went even if I had to miss my 9:00 class this morning because I didn't want to wake up!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Diamonds On The Inside
by Ben Harper

I knew a girl
Her name was Truth.
She was a horrible liar.

She couldn't spend one day alone
But she couldn't be satisfied.

When you have everything,
You have everything to lose.
She made herself a bed of nails
And shes plannin on puttin it to use.

Cos she had diamonds on the inside
She had diamonds on the inside
She had diamonds on the inside.
Diamonds.

A candle throws its light into the darkness
In a nasty world,so shines the good deed
Make sure the fortune, that you seek
Is the fortune you need.

So tell me why,the first to ask,is the last to give,everytime
What you say and do not mean
Follow too close behind

Cos she had diamonds on the inside
She had diamonds on the inside
She wore diamonds on the inside
Diamonds

Like a soldier standing long under fire
Any change comes as a relief.
Let the giver's name remain unspoken
For she is just a generous thief.

But she had diamonds on the inside
Cos she had diamonds on the inside
She wore diamonds on the inside
She wore diamonds
Oh diamonds
She had diamonds
She wore diamonds
Diamonds



Ann this is the guy I want you to hear!!

Monday, September 11, 2006

The only two letters I've gotten since I've been at ACU (not counting my wonderful gift from Sue) are from people younger than 10... one from Lexie (which I've already mentioned) and the other from my roommate's sister Tatum. Her letter went like this:

Dear Pig. how are you doing?
Aar you doing good? I hope you are
doing good.
I LOVE YOU
PIG.
-Tatum

Underneath these uplifting words was a drawing of me (Pig) and Tatum which was very life-like... giving us both glasses.

I think I could live with only getting mail from these friends who know how to keep me smiling!

Sunday, September 10, 2006

I think I need my entire room to be covered with cork bulletin boards... I really like to put stuff up that makes me laugh or inspires creativity and my bulletin board is NOT BIG ENOUGH!!! I actually have a "memory board" covering up 1/4 of my cork board, but it looks good that way. I have my necklaces hanging from push pins on it... magazine cut-outs (1. "Live, Work, Create" from an ad in a music magazine. 2. a still from pride and prejudice when they're dancing. 3. "SEE NO EVIL? AIDS kills one child every minute-picture an AIDS free world" from another ad)... a small brown paper bag from Weasel Creek Outfitters in Front Royal, VA... a letter written by my good friend Lexie which has words to a song on it that would cheer me up..... a picture of Erica Knoll (Nov 11, 1988-Nov 1, 2005)..... a photograph of a limb on the signing tree at camp "I LUV SUE SMITH-if only she loved me". I also have my calendar of movie posters (this month is Charlie Chaplin in "City Lights"). And a bunch of small cereal boxes pinned together... I keep wanting to put more up but I only have so much room left!!

Lexie's Song:

Just a wigglin my toes in my brand new shoes. Guess I've got the back to school blues. Shiny new notebook with nothing inside it. Feeling kind of scared and trying hard to hide it. Got three sharp pencils I've never used before and teachers I don't even know behind classroom doors. Maybe they are nice ones maybe they're bad news. Just wigglin and gigglin to the back to school blues. :)

Friday, September 08, 2006

122 McGlothlin Campus Center
ACU Box 26706
Abilene, TX 79602

or you could just send it to my house

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I have an assignment for English where I have to write an autobiographical story about something that has impacted me. I have no idea what to do.

Friday, September 01, 2006

I've been thinking about how... different I guess is the word..... I am from the typical college student or any teenager.

I don't drive--I don't like it. Maybe if I did it more, I would but so far it's not my favorite thing in the world.

I don't have ANY idea what I want to do later in life. I know that most people end up changing their minds but many people know what they want to do right now. If they don't know, they're picking from a few things they want to do, but I have no idea. It could go any way right now. Absolutely ANY WAY!

I've never had a boyfriend. This is something that's not extremely rare, but it's not common either. It's not like I'm some social outcast either. It's just never happened. Almost... once... but I don't think I liked him as much as he liked me. But that was awhile ago and even now, I don't really care if it doesn't happen soon. I used to, but not anymore.

I've (obviously) already gone to 2 colleges and I'm constantly comparing them. Food, laundry rooms, bathrooms, dorm rooms, campus, surrounding area, people. Lipscomb usually comes out on top except for the ones that matter--people and dorm rooms :)

I like to be alone for at least an hour a day. I don't like to always be out and around people--it wears me out! I like the time to myself where I can just lean back and listen to my music as loudly as possible or do another page in my "book". Some people may not know about my "books" but trust me, there not anything special--just cut and paste.

I don't mind the differences. They're just a little more obvious now that I don't live at home.

I just realized I made a "Mary Kate doesn't..." list without even realizing it! long story... most of you probably don't get it :)

Monday, August 28, 2006

I'm now an ACU student. Haha... who would have thought last week I would be here today? Well apparently, EVERYBODY!! Almost everyone I've spoken to since I've been back has said that they didn't want to say anything to me but they thought I would have been better off at ACU from the beginning. Yet no one said anything and I spent a week being miserable at Lipscomb. So I wonder... would I have been completely ticked off if they had said something to me in the beginning or would I have thought twice about it? I probably would have been soooo mad if they had said it yet I'm now upset that they say it now. It makes me feel stupid; like I was the only one who didn't know that Lipscomb was a stupid decision for me... but I guess they were correct so they've got the right to say "I told you so".

I have the best friends. I have two friends from Maryland who have stuck with me through thick and thin. Andrea is sensible and a lot like me. Sometimes we're so much alike that we disagree.. we're both stubborn and neither of us like to admit when we're wrong... but she's like my sister. Katelynn is fun and is so lovable. I don't know how anyone can not like Katelynn. She's honest and knows how to make you feel better :) My friends here in Abilene have been HUGE in the change of my mood since living here. The sad part is that it was around the time that I was beginning to make friends here that I lost a friend in Maryland. I'll probably talk about Erica later. Heather was the first friend I made here... she gave me rides to huddles and she has always been extremely nice to me. My mom says, "Heather is just Heather. She doesn't try to be anyone else." I think that sums her well. Erin is someone who makes you feel at home. She is fun and smart and completely laid back. Katie is my best friend here. She is energetic and inviting and I love her to death. I think I was the most excited to see Katie when I came back and she did not disappoint. She came leaping up the steps screaming "MARY KATE!!!" and it was so great to feel wanted.
It's funny how much a bad experience can make you appreciate the friends you have.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Let us all have a moment of silence for our dearly beloved planet Pluto...
may you rest in peace.
For all of those you have been encouraging me to stick it out, it's too late. I'm going to ACU. Whether I'll make it there-who knows!? Maybe I'll find that I'm just not ready for any of it yet. At this point... I don't care.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Nashville
by the Indigo Girls

As I drive
From your pearly gates
I realize that I just can't stay
All those mountains
They kept you locked inside
And hid the truth
From my slighted eyes

I came to you with a half-open heart
Dreams upon my back
Illusions of a brand new start
Nashville
Can't I carry the load
Is it my fault that
I can't reap what I sow
Nashville
Did you give me half a chance
With your southern style
And your hidden dance away
You dance away
And you dance away

All these voices
They whisper through my walls
They talk of falling fast
They say I'm losing it all
They say I'm running blind
To love of my own
But I'll be walking proud
I'm saving what I still own

I fell on my knees to kiss your land
But you are so far down
And I can't even see to stand
In Nashville
You forgot the human race
You see with half a mind
What colors hide the face
Nashville
I'd like to know your fate
I'd like to stay a while
But I've seen your lowered state today
I've seen 'em today
Honey I swear I've seen 'em today

Now I'm leaving
I've got all these debts to pay
You know we all have our dues
I'll pay em some other place
Ah I never ask that you pay me back
We all arrive with more
I left with less than I had

Your town is made for people passing through
A last chance for a cause
I thought I knew
But Nashville
You tell me what you are gonna do
With all your southern style
It'll never pull you through
Nashville
I can't place no blame
But if you forget my face
I'll never call your name again
No never again
No never again

I fell on my knees to kiss your land
But you are so far down
And I can't even see to stand
In Nashville
You forgot the human race
You see with half a mind
What colors hide the face
Nashville
I'd like to know your fate
I'd like to stay a while
But I've seen your lowered state today
I've seen em today
Honey I swear I've seen em today
I'm running away I'm running away
I'm running I'm running
I'm running away

Hah... I've always wanted to use that song for something
I have been given the option to go to ACU... which has always been an option but I've never seriously considered it until I've realized how bad I am at meeting new people. Especially since I did this not two years ago. It's not that I completely hate it here. I do like a lot of things but I think the few things I'm having trouble with may outweigh the things I like. Things that would make me stay: 1)beautiful campus... I could sit and read forever and I'm in complete awe that a college could look like this, 2)I love my classes... I get to watch films in one... I just like school, 3)I like the way my dorm looks... we've finally gotten it into an organized way that looks cute, 4)The food's pretty good and I know where everything is now, 5)I'm embarassed to leave b/c I couldn't handle a new place and situation... I made this decision and I feel like I should keep going b/c quitting makes me feel so stupid. The things that make me want to leave: 1)I don't have friends here.. when class ends I go to my room and do nothing or I go to the computer lab and look online... I don't know anyone so I don't go to the cafeteria b/c I don't want to sit by myself.. the last real meal I ate was Sunday at lunch with Sally Gary and the Thomas's, 2)I don't drive so I don't have anywhere to go even by myself... I rode my bike but the handle bars kept moving and I was terrified I was going to get hit while I was trying to adjust them... I think I had a panic attack.

I just thought things were going to be different... and I guess things are different... I'm just the same

Sunday, August 20, 2006

I'm getting behind on my blogging... I forgot to mention my interesting experience at the motorcycle show...

So--take all the stereotypes of bikers and mix it with me and I don't think you come up with a perfect combination. My roommate works at Boswell's Harley-Davidson bike shop. It is owned by her boyfriend's family and every third thursday they have bike night. We went to the black-and-white dinner at school for the freshman and immediately went to the end of bike night. We are right beside the highway and a "funk" band is playing on a platform. Kayla (my roommate) is introducing me to the people she works with when I look over and see this woman. She is definitely over forty, shaved head, black spaghetti strapped tank top, mid-calf pants, chunky black boots, and tattoos over half her body. She was quite a sight. We came towards the end of bike night so the only people left were the ones who needed to leave. No one was really drunk.. just tipsy. I met Kayla's boyfriend and he seemed pretty nice, but he definitely likes his motorcycles!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

I was going to wait until I had a little more long term perspective on college life to say anything but I have time and I thought--What the heck?! Right now, in this moment, I'm not liking it. I feel like I put myself back into the situation I was in 2 years ago when we moved. I don't want to go through that again, but it's my own fault.. I chose it. I don't like mingling... I feel like none of these people are really interested in including me... they'll just be nice to me during this activity so they can say they know me. Maybe I just have no faith in these people or maybe I'm insecure about myself, but all I know is that I feel like nobody wants me there... oh well... I adjusted to being by myself in Abilene now I just have to do that here in Nashville. It's just boring.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Wide Open Spaces
by The Dixie Chicks

Who doesn't know what I'm talking about
Who's never left home, who's never struck out
To find a dream and a life of their own
A place in the clouds a foundation of stone
Many precede and many will follow
A young girl's dream no longer hollow
It takes the shape of a place out West
But what it holds for her she hasn't yet guessed

She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

She traveled this road as a child
Wide-eyed and grinning she never tired
But now she won't be coming back with the rest
If these are life lessons, she'll take the test

She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She know the high stakes

As her folks drive away her dad yells, "Check the oil!"
Mom stares out the window and says, "I'm leaving my girl."
She says, "It doesn't seem like that long ago
When she stood there and let her own folks know."

She needed wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She know the high stakes
I have only a few hours left in Abilene. I'm still not completely packed... some things never change.

But no crying happened... I think I'm too tired to cry at this point

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

We're leaving for Maryland on Wednesday and tomorrow is my second to last day in Abilene. I'm having flash backs to when we moved from Maryland and I had to say good-bye to my two best friends on the last day of camp. Katelynn had already moved to Virginia and Andrea was staying in Bowie so the last day of camp was VERY upsetting for us. Andrea was leaving first and Katelynn and I gave her hugs but someone--I don't who--started crying. It was hysterical waterworks after that. I'm hoping to keep it together better this time when I say goodbye. We'll see what happens.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

What I love about Jerry Taylor is his voice. I mean, I love what he says, but his voice is a true instrument that he uses with incredible ability. When he reaches the crescendo, I just want to close my eyes to take in his voice. It's like an entire thunderstorm rolled into this one voice--the thunder whose boom encompasses you, the lightening that sometimes scares or startles you, the rain that seems unstoppable. It's incredible.
Lucy likes to watch DVDs with subtitles...

Why?




I do not know.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I don't think I have strong enough nerves or a large enough attention span to drive well. I drove with my mom last night for the first time and I think it should be my last time as well. Although it was pretty comical. A garage light came on so I turned my head and my whole body went with it... my mom was not too happy with that! Let me just say, there were too many cars parked on the side of the road. And after 5 seconds on the road... I realized I never want to do this again!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

If you ever feel the need to be tortured, go to the dentist at 8 o'clock in the morning and then go to the doctor's and have blood drawn in the afternoon. Nobody likes going to the dentist--don't believe all those Barney songs about how unscary the dentist's office is. I think it is completely scary to have someone stick a sharp hook in your mouth and scrape your teeth.. the sound it makes, the "accidental" poking of your gums, and gloved fingers holding your tongue to check for cancer. Once that was over, we made our way to McDonald's which was not a good idea because it throws your taste buds all out of wack! So the whole time, I kept tasting Diet Dr. Pepper when I actually had regular Dr. Pepper... it was quite strange. Then, Lucy and I needed to get physicals so.. that's what we went to do. Unfortunately for me, Lipscomb required that I have my cholesterol checked... which required blood to be drawn. They had had trouble taking my blood pressure so I was dreading the actual needle part. She tried my left arm-nothing. She tried my right arm-nothing. She got a different nurse, she tried a different vein in my right arm-nothing. By this point, I'm laying on my back, sobbing quietly because I've realized that when they say "little prick" they mean painful needle in your arm! She finally tried another vein in my left arm and takes about 2 minutes taking the blood out because she had to use a small needle to minimize the pain. I now know why I have always chosen NOT to give blood--I'm too skinny!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

I absolutely love The Office... it's funny... it's different... it has a heart wrenching love story... it has the best pranks... and it has John Krasinski who has made me fall in love with Jim (his character on the show). I thought I would share some of my favorite quotes... you may not understand them if you do not watch the show... all the more reason to watch!

Michael Scott: It's simply beyond words. It's incalculable.

Michael Scott: Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North" and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.

Michael Scott: No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don't tell them.

Mr. Brown: Now this is a simple acronym: H.E.R.O. At Diversity Today, we believe it's very easy to be a hero. All you need are: Honesty, Empathy, Respect, and Open-mindedness.
Dwight Schrute: Excuse me, I'm sorry, but that's not all it takes to be a hero.
Mr. Brown: Okay well, what is a hero to you?
Dwight Schrute: A hero kills people, people that wish him harm. A
hero is part human and part supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster, that must be avenged.
Mr. Brown: Uh, okay, you're thinking of a superhero.

Jim Halpert: This scented candle which I found in the men's bathroom represents the eternal... burning of competition. Or something.
Kevin: It smells like cookies.
Jim Halpert: Yes it does. Yes it does my friend.

Jim Halpert: Just have Dwight punch you.
Michael Scott: Oh, yeah!
[scoffs]
Michael Scott: Well, that would be kinda worthless because I know a ton of 14-year-old girls who can kick his ass.
Jim Halpert: You know a ton of 14-year-old girls?
Dwight Schrute: What belt are they?

Jim Halpert: The Albany branch is working right through lunch, to prevent downsizing. But, Michael, he decided to extend our lunch by an hour, so that we could all go down to the dojo and watch him fight Dwight.

Jim: So, yesterday Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot. Which is unfortunate, because it turns out that Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs.

Pam Beesley: Every so often, Jim dies of boredom. I think today it was the expense reports that did him in. And, uh, our deal is it's up to me to revive him.

Angela: I think green is kind of whorish.

Christian: You put your arms out there. You slit your wrist. You said, 'World, this is my blood, it's red just like yours, so love me.'

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

How about a fun story from New Orleans--Everyone knows that I am a picky eater. I eat when I'm hungry and everything I eat is pretty plain. The second or third night we were in New Orleans, Steve Hare (one of our sponsors) started to talk to me about my eating habits... it was the typical conversation I end up having with people. He would ask questions like "What's your favorite food?" and "Would you rather have fruits or vegetables?" I answered them like I always do "I don't have a favorite food." and "Fruits". From this conversation, he somehow got that I have something wrong with my eating which means that I have problems socially. That night, the whole group, including people from other churches that were staying at Tammany Oaks, were playing a game that the guys from our group made up. Steve comes behind me and pats me on the back, saying, "I'm glad you're playing." That is just the beginning of the unnecessary encouragement that Steve starts to give me during the week. We're standing in line for dinner and he asks me if I'm eating tonight. I say yes in a tone that should give away the fact that that was a stupid question. But his response to my "Yes" was "Good for you." At this point, I'm not annoyed anymore. I'm amused. It becomes a joke among the rest of us and Steve doesn't realize that we think it's a joke until later. So now, when I'm eating around someone who was on the trip, they encourage me. It's actually VERY funny.
Waiting on the World To Change
by John Mayer

Me and all my friends, we're all misunderstood.
They say we stand for nothing
and there's no way we ever could.
Now we see everything that's going wrong
with the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
to rise above and beat it

So we keep waiting, waiting on the world to change
We keep waiting, waiting on the world to change
It's hard to beat the system
when we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting, waiting on the world to change

Now if we had the power
to bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on thier door
And when you trust your television
what you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information, oh
they can bend it all they want.

That's why we're waiting, waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change
It's not that we don't care,
we just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep waiting, waiting on the world to change

And we're still waiting, waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change
One day our generation is gonna rule the population
So we keep waiting, waiting on the world to change.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

I've been thinking about saying something about my trip to New Orleans, but I have so much I want to say that I'm afraid of rambling. So I've decided to skip the details and just tell some stories. For those who know me and my family, you know we like to make up stories about people we don't know--just one of those games we play when we people watch. As you drive through New Orleans, almost eleven months after Hurricane Katrina devastated the city, you don't have to make up the stories. They are screaming to be heard and you can't help but listen. The house beside you at the stoplight used to have a family there. Kids used to play in that yard with the dog while the neighborhood cat sat on their front porch. All that's left to tell the story of this house are the spray painted markings on the front that indicate 2 animals were found inside and sent to a shelter in California. And after just 3 days of driving past this devastation, you know better than to hope that this house will ever be a home again. The van is unusually silent as you drive past the broken homes except for the occasional 'can you imagine...?' or 'look at this one'. You feel guilty as you take a picture while a man watches you because this is his home that is destroyed and here you are-a tourist-come to marvel at the tragedy. In your mind, you say, 'why rebuild at all?' 'there's too much devastation to repair.' 'won't this just happen again?' But don't say it outloud, because these people are proud to rebuild. Yard signs, church signs, billboards--all saying WE ARE NEW ORLEANS. Where we see lost hope, they see potential. Potential to become more than what they were and to unify the city so that everyone can see that New Orleans will not be beaten. I'd like to say that I see the potential too, but I can't see past Bourbon Street with the man who was Drinking For Jesus. And I can't see past the fact that the only people left are the ones who can't afford to rebuild their property. I can't see past how little help these people receive and how surprised they are when they realize that that's all we want to do. This experience was amazing. To go there and see what we saw, created an unspoken understanding, I think, between those of us on this trip. Words cannot describe what happened in New Orleans the day Katrina came. And I don't think they're supposed to.

Friday, July 14, 2006

My mom has recently discovered that foods with hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils are bad for you.... I don't remember why but they are now FORBIDDEN in this house. Well all I wanted was a piece of toast this morning... a piece of toast with butter and jelly. So I use some of this new, safe butter on this piece of toast........... This was the most disgusting piece of toast I have ever had... the after-taste is bad, the initial taste is bad, AND I had to wrestle with the butter to get it on the bread! IF THE PACKAGE SAYS SPREADABLE BUTTER, WHY DOES IT RIP APART THE BREAD IN THE PROCESS!! and that's my warning to all you health nuts... just because it's better for you doesn't mean I will enjoy it.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Starting yesterday, I am by myself at home (with my dad, but he's at work during the day). My mom and little sister are on a mission trip with the middle school girls in Fort Worth---so I am at home, writing thank you notes to all those who were kind enough to send me something for graduation. It's not that I think thank you notes are stupid-because they're not-but i just think they aren't appreciated. I know that when my family gets a thank you note in the mail, all I 'm thinking is, "O yeah, we did get her a present. Wow that was awhile ago. Why didn't she just call to thank us? It would have been a lot quicker." Because it's been awhile since I got most of these cards, I don't even remember whether they sent a card or just a gift. But I would rather write the notes than actually make calls to people... so I guess my reasoning doesn't even make sense in relation to me. But I was excited about writing thank you notes to the people who got me something that I really liked. One of my mom's friends from college sent me towels with my name stitched on them... I LOVE them... another one of my mom's friends sent me a neckalce with a compass on it and I love that too... one of the most thoughtful gifts though was the stationary given to me by our old friends, the Selbys... I think more people should give stationary as a present because we are starting college and writing letters is a lot more fun than e-mailing... plus getting mail is a lot more exciting than getting on the computer.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Starting Off

I guess the title of this blog is pretty self explanatory. The transition from high school to college is going to be tough and I realize that. But I feel like I'm just adjusting to my life in Abilene now and I don't get anytime to be familiar with it. I've just made some good friends that I wish I had more time with, but it is my decision to go to Lipscomb and not ACU-so it's my own fault. I know that Lipscomb was the right choice for me because I do rely too much on my parents for things and I need to be on my own... I need to grow up.

I think I can... I think I can... I think I can