Okay, so I'm actually starting to plan a little for Oxford. And when I say, "a little" I mean I'm in pre-planning mode. I'm reading travel guidebooks. It's just so much information to take in and I still have to write a lot of stuff for one of my study abroad classes... I'm ready to already be there emotionally, but everything else just needs to be worked out now.

My Favorite Christmas Song

Christmas Song
by The Dave Matthews Band

She was his girl, he was her boyfriend
She'd be his wife, and make him her husband
A surprise on the way any day any day
One healthy little giggling, dribbling baby boy
The wisemen came, three made their way
To shower him with love as he lay in the hay

Shower him with love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love was all around.

Not very much of his childhood was known
Kept his mother Mary worried always out on his own
He met another Mary, who for a reasonable fee,
Less than reputable was known to be

His heart was full of love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love was all around.

When Jesus Christ was nailed to his tree
Said oh Daddy-O, I can see how it all soon will be
I came to shed a little light on this darkening scene
Instead I fear I've spilled the blood my children all around
The blood of my children all around
The blood of my childrens all around

So I'm told, so the story goes
The people he knew were less than golden-hearted
Gamblers and robbers,
Drinkers and jokers, all soul searchers
Like you and me, like you and me
Rumors insisted that he soon would be
For his deviations taken into custody
By the authorities, less informed than he
Drinkers and jokers, all soul searchers

Searching for love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love was all around.

Preparations were made for a celebration day
He said eat this bread but think of it as me
Drink this wine and dream it will be
The blood of our children all around
The blood of our children all around
The blood of our children all around

Father up above
Why in all this hatred do you fill me up with
Love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love is all around

Father up above
Why in all this hatred do you fill me up with love
Fill me love, love, yeah
Love. love, love
Love, love, and the blood of our children all around.



I couldn't decide which video I liked better. So i didn't choose.

I think Christmas should be postponed this year. Not canceled, just postponed. I'm not ready for it yet. I don't think anyone in my family is ready for it yet.

The 28th seems like a good date to me.

Silver Lining
by Rilo Kiley

And I'm not going back
Into rags or in the hole
And our bruises are coming
But we will never fold
And I was your silver lining
As the story goes
I was your silver lining
But now I'm gold

Hooray hooray
I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray
But now I'm gold

And I was your silver lining
High up on my toes
You were running through fields of hitch-hikers
As the story goes

Hooray hooray
I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray
But now I'm gold
Hooray hooray
I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray
But now i'm gold

And the grass it was a ticking
And the sun was on the rise
I never felt so wicked
As when I willed our love to die
And I was your silver lining
As the story goes
I was your silver lining
But now i'm gold

Hooray hooray
I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray
But now I'm gold
Hooray hooray
I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray
But now I'm gold
But now I'm gold
But now I'm gold

i thought this was pretty fun and some of the songs work better than others, but it's funny all the same!


IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your music library.
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

The Soundtrack to My Life!!~!!

*Opening credits: If I Could-Jack Johnson
*Waking up: Speed of Sound-Coldplay
*First day of school: Positive Vibration-Bob Marley & the Wailers
*Falling in love: The Coming of Spring-The Rapture
*Fight song: Masquerade-Caedmon's Call
*Breaking up: The Passives-The Faint
*Prom: Around the World-Daft Punk
*Life: Yes I Will-Bebo Norman
*Mental Breakdown: Never Leave A Job Half Done-Pedro the Lion
*Driving: Frug-Rilo Kiley
*Flashback: Change-Good Charlotte
*back together: A Moment Like This-Kelly Clarkson
*Wedding: No Doubling Back-Jason Mraz
*Birth of child: The Song Remains the Same-Led Zeppelin
*Final Battle: Island in the Sun-Weezer
*Death Scene: Ending Start-Metric
*Funeral Song: Been There Before-Hanson
*End Credits: What the Snowman Learned About-Stars

Happy Birthday Crista!!

Today is Crista's twentieth birthday and I love her.

So does someone else apparently.

She's getting married!

I know I should be updating with Oxford plans and news. But I'm so excited I don't even know where to start! I have too much going on in my head right now that I couldn't even begin to tell you all the craziness that is my life. First, I have to get through this semester which still includes: a term paper, two regular tests, a quiz, and 5 finals. We'll see if I make it.

Another Pot O' Tea
by Emmylou Harris

Put on another pot o' tea
'Cause I'm in love with the Irish accent to your story
And I need someone to help me

Well they say that now you don't talk straight
And that of late it's been my lot to be afraid
To remember you by anything
But memories I already keep

So put another pot o' tea
'Cause I'm love with the Irish accent to your story
And now I need some sympathy

It's harder when it takes so long to leave
The table where we all learned to laugh and learned to grieve
Over the pain that came so close to you
It comes so close to me today

So put another pot o' tea
'Cause I'm in love with the Irish accent to your story
And I need someone to help me

You know that feeling?

Yeah, that's the one.

I'm feeling like that right now.

-------------------------------

I'm going to Oxford.

I happen to have favorite words. They're not anything extraordinary (although that is a favorite word of mine). I just like the way they sound. It's bad though because I always want to use my favorite words so I use them in strange places. I don't think I can think of all my favorite words right now, but here are a few:

aggresive. barely. awful. true. end. being. I. think. imagination. appreciation. feeling. lovely. condescending.

Taken from Grey's Anatomy, Season one, Episode six, "If Tomorrow Never Comes":

"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."

Here's what we do in Abilene....

Friday Night Lights at Shotwell!! Abilene vs. Cooper!

Phillip, Me, and Rachel in the Chapel at Buffalo Gap

Me and Rachel with Smoky

Berenice playing Scrabble at the coffee shop!

Jazmin on the pig... we still don't understand that pig on wheels!

I'm sick of waiting. Being in this in-between time where I just have to stay put until something else moves is the most frustrating position to be in. There's nothing I can do. My entire situation depends on someone else.

The Philosophy of Loss
by Indigo Girls

Welcome to why the church has died
In the heart of the exiled in the kingdom of hate
Who owns the land & keeps the commands
And marries itself to the state
Modern scribes write in Jesus Christ
Everyone is free
And the doors open wide to all straight men & women
But they are not open to me

And who is teaching kids to be soldiers
To be marked by a plain white cross
And we kill just a little to save a lot more
The philosophy of loss

There are a few who would be true out of love
And love is hard
And don't think that our hands haven't shoveled the dirt
Over their central American graveyards
Doctors & witch hunters stripped you bare
Left you nothing for your earthly sins
Yeah but who made this noise just a bunch of boys
And the one with the most toys wins

Who is teaching kids to be gamblers
Life is a coin toss
And of course what you give up is what you gain
The philosophy of loss

Whatever has happened to anyone else
Could happen to you & to me
And the end of my youth was the possible truth
That it all happens randomly
Who is teaching kids to be leaders
and the way that it is meant to be
the philosophy of loss

It's Halloween again. Last year I wrote about Erica's death and I thought maybe this year should be about life. Her life. My life. Our friends lives. They all intertwine and as I try to think of a singular story to tell, I realize I can't. It all comes together in this mix of memories and feelings. I think about a birthday party in her basement where we all realized that we loved Apples to Apples. Then I move to her trampoline in the snow where one of my favorite pictures was taken. I remember gym class where almost every day was spent sitting against the wall trading music with the rest of the class. And trips to Popeyes where the old lady always told us we were too loud. Bowling nicknames. Notes. Loud yawns. Laughing so hard your stomach hurts. Random trips with her family. Almost swimming in a thunderstorm. They're all larger stories that wouldn't normally connect, but in mind they flow from one to the other.

Today I thought about what was happening 2 years ago at this time. Erica was living her last 24 hours. I've thought about Katelynn and the phone calls that she had to make. I've thought about Leila and Dylan as they remember their last moments with their sister. I've thought about her parents and the way they've spread Erica's story.

On November 11, Erica would have been 19. Veteran's Day.

Reflections of My Passed Week

-Matt Nathanson is one of my favorite artists and has been for a couple of years. I saw him in concert on Wednesday and he was awesome of course, but it was nothing I hasn't seen before. I felt bothered afterwards and I couldn't figure out why. I really enjoyed it. He was amazing, right on. He sounded just like he did on his cds. Maybe that's the problem. I like it when a band or artist wows me with their live performance. I don't want them to sound just like the cd. That's boring. Give me something more.

-We combined parents birthdays on Friday with dinner at Abuelo's. It was fun. Having Drew there with us made it seem more celebratory for some reason. Something out of the ordinary. I've missed Drew.

-This weekend was ACU's Fall Break. Translation: we get Friday off. Rachel and I spent it well. Slept in until 12:30, washed dishes, did laundry, waited to shower until after 3, I went to dinner with family, Rachel went to dinner with Berenice, then went to bed at 3. We're real party animals.

This next week will be lots of work. I have papers and tests and all of this will probably make me cranky. Tomorrow being Sunday makes it seems like next week is coming too quickly for my liking.

I went for a walk tonight.
by myself.
it was windy.

very windy.

I realized a few things about myself:
I love the wind. It makes me feel like I'm walking along the beach at night with the waves crashing beside me in the dark.
I love dusk. The light that makes everything barely visible.
I love being alone. just walking. me time. no thoughts. no intrusions.

Wind. violent. pushing. holding. breaking. falling. noiseless. loud. scary. exciting. adventure. open. beating. pounding.

I love wind.

All We Are
by Matt Nathanson

I tasted, tasted love so sweet
And all of it was lost on me
Bought and sold like property
Sugar on my tongue

I kept falling over
I kept looking backward
I went broke believing
That the simple should be hard

All we are we are
All we are we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful

I wasted, wasted love for you
Trading out for something new
Well, it's hard to change the way you lose
If you think you've never won

'Cause all we are we are
All we are we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful

And in the end the words won't matter
'Cause in the end nothing stays the same
And in the end dreams just scatter and fall like rain

'Cause all we are we are
All we are we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful, something real

All we are we are
All we are we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful, beautiful

I'm so sorry you all have had to put up with my Hanson obsession lately. But I promise this will be my last mention of Hanson (for now). I've fallen in love with their opener: Locksley... and you will hear more about them, but first: PICTURES!!
Katie and I trying for the second or third time to get the House of Blues sign in the background... you can actually see it when the picture's larger.
Hanson's first opener: Green River Ordinance. They were okay but just boring.
This is Locksley. So much energy, none of the pictures came out clear.
Kai... the wonderful guitarist. We met him afterwards!
And this is Hanson when they first came out. This is also when Katie and I were almost crushed to death by short Hanson fans.
Acoustic. Of course..........
The fans were green... well in this picture they were.




During this show, Isaac here had a blood clot in his shoulder but kept playing. It wasn't until the next day that we found out he was rushed to the hospital and had surgery. CRAZY! But I'm not going to lie, I'm glad he finished the show because it was awesome!

Ever since the concert, I can't get this song out of my head!



I find hope and it gives me rest.
I find hope in a beating chest.
I find hope in what eyes don't see.
I find hope in your hate for me.
Have no fear when the water's rising.
We can conquer this Great Divide.

These are the pictures they took when Eryn and I visited Savanna in August. They dressed me up as a Top Model... my "dress" was really Sava's shirt! Savanna was my crazy fan...

I have two words to describe the hanson concert last night:

Freakin' Awesome

There were spots open for next semester in the ACU Study Abroad program for Oxford. I've been planning for the past month because I thought everything I needed to do to get one of those spots was done. I was wrong and I'm not going. I think I now know what a broken heart feels like.

As most people are getting excited for the weekend right now, I'm not. I'm looking forward to October! I'm seeing Hanson in concert on the 2nd... we're planning on going camping on the 5th... we're going to have a friend of ours stay in our dorm room the next weekend... the weekend after that-oh wait-I'm not allowed to say, it's a surprise!.... then I'm going to see Matt Nathanson in concert and then maybe see Motion City Soundtrack in concert a few days later (that's questionable... i've already begun to cut spending) and then there's a wedding to attend!

I'm very excited for October.

So pledging has begun across campus. I decided not to pledge just because I don't like to be in large groups like that. Even classes that size make me nervous. I like my small group of friends. I don't need anything else.

But with pledging comes the debate on social clubs. Greek life in general has never really bothered me. I don't care whether people want to join a sorority or fraternity but it's when the pledge process comes to the point of humiliation that bothers me. I hear a lot of criticism from people against social clubs that it's stupid to pay for your friends and have to prove loyalty to the club. But that doesn't even bother me as long as it's what you want to do. It's when I'm watching guys I know are good people be yelled at and forced to stand in the Texas heat with watermelons on their shoulders just to join a club-that's when it bothers me...

Okay, I take it back. I can drive. In the dark. That's right, the only time I feel truly comfortable driving is while it's completely dark.

I will never learn how to completely drive. I know the basics. I know all the rules. But I'm not going any farther than that. I can't. I absolutely hate driving. Who wants to do something they hate doing?

This is my newest-favorite-overplayed song.

Great Divide
by Hanson

The earth is shaking under siege
And every breath we'll meet is fate
Still we hunger for a moment of freedom
Even though the hour is late

I find hope and it gives me rest
I find hope in a beating chest
I find hope in what eyes don't see
I find hope in your hate for me
Have no fear when the waters rise
We can conquer this great divide

When every eye is one the fortune
It can only breed contempt
They say blood is thicker than oceans
Still we box our brothers in

I find hope and it gives me rest
I find hope in a beating chest
I find hope in what eyes don't see
I find hope in your hate for me
Have no fear when the waters rise

We can conquer this great divide

Whoa, ooo, ooo, ooo ooo
Whoa, ooo, ooo, ooo ooo
Whoa, ooo, ooo, ooo ooo
And we're gone
And we're gone
And we're, holding on
And we're, holding on
And we're, holding on

I find hope and it gives me rest
I find hope in a beating chest
I find hope in what eyes don't see
I find hope in your hate for me
Have no fear when the waters rise
We can conquer this great divide

Whoa, ooo, ooo, ooo ooo
Whoa, ooo, ooo, ooo ooo
Whoa, ooo, ooo, ooo ooo

http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/completelist/0,,1651341,00.html

This is TIME's list of the 100 Best TV Shows Of All Time....

All of my favorite shows made the list--including Felicity!

Your Birthdate: May 12

You're a dynamic, charismatic person who's possibly headed for fame. You tend to charm strangers easily. And you usually can get what you want from them. Verbally talented, you tend to persuade people with your speaking and writing. You are affectionate and loving, but it's hard for you to commit to any one relationship. Your strength: Your charm Your weakness: Your extreme manipulation tactics Your power color: Indigo Your power symbol: Four leaf clover Your power month: December

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

my roommate and i

B-bright and early
A-anticipation
C-confusion
K-keep notes

T-ten more minutes
O-open mind

S-style
C-clean slate
H-hold the door!
O-oscillating fans
O-ottocento (dictionary please!)
L-literature

SO...... I move back into the dorms tomorrow!!!

I'm so excited to get back to some normalcy that I can't bring myself to start packing... will that be a problem?

More from Yellowstone... last one is of the Tetons

under armour boomboomtap

love the lacrosse shots

I tend to get addicted to reality television involving models. America's Next Top Model on The CW and A Model Life on TLC are two that I really enjoy. It stirs this wonder in me of whether I would make it in the modeling business. And yet, at the same time, I don't want to be someone who can make it in the modeling business. It's mean and shallow. I love fashion, but to be a model takes a much thicker skin than I possess. My friend, Savanna, wanted me to try out for America's Next Top Model when they had castings in Dallas this summer. And secretly, I really wanted to. For those of you who don't know, America's Next Top Model is a contest hosted by Tyra Banks. She has about 13 girls who participate in challenges and a photo shoot every episode and one girl is eliminated each episode until you have the winner. The girls all live together during this time, which is where the "good television" comes from. But I really enjoy watching their photo shoots and seeing how it all comes together. I wonder how I would react in that kind of situation. So now you know my secret ambition: I want to be a model. I'll never admit to it out loud and I'll never like it when people take my picture. But I still would have so much fun on one of these shows.

A Rose Is A Rose
by Susan Ashton

You're at a stand still
You're at an impass
Your mountains of dreams
Seems harder to climb
By those who have made you
Feel like an outcast
Cause you dare to be different
So they're drawing a line
They say you're a fool
They feel your resistance
They tell you you'll never go very far
But they'll be the same ones that stand in the distance
Alone in the shadow of your shining star

Just keep on the same road
And keep on your toes
And just keep your heart steady as she goes
And let them call you what they will
It don't matter
A rose by any name is still a rose

The kindness of strangers
It seems like a fable
But they've yet to see what I see in you
But you can make it
If you are able to believe in yourself
The way I do

Just keep on the same road
And keep on your toes
And just keep your heart steady as she goes
And let them call you what they will
It don't matter
A rose by any name is still a rose

Cause a deal is a deal
In the heart of the dream
And a spade is a spade
If you know what I mean
And a rose is a rose is a rose

To deal with the scoffers
Well, it's part of the bargain
They heckle from back rows
And they bark at the moon
Their flowers are fading
In time's bitter garden
But yours is only
Beginning to bloom

So keep on that same road
And keep on your toes
And just keep your heart steady as she goes
And let them call you what they will
Just remember
A rose by any name is still a rose

These pictures my friend Katie took when we went to see John Legend in concert in May. It was a lot of fun!!

My last night in Missouri, I watched Larry King Live with Crista, her boyfriend, and her little sister (Larry King wasn't actually on the program that night). It was all about sharks. "Shark Week" on the Discovery Channel was this week and CNN wanted to bring a different view to the table other than all of the constant shark attack stories that fascinate and terrify people. Apparently, sharks are in danger of becoming endangered. Ever heard of shark fin soup? Me neither. But there's a huge market for it in China. People all over the world will kill sharks just for their fins to sell for soup. Now, I'm not someone who claims to see the beauty in sharks. They creep me out. But it made me incredibly sad to hear what is being done to these animals. Excuse me while I go search for this movie: Sharkwater.

From the Northwest... some that my mom didn't put up...






Lucy hates this picture!

Mushaboom

Mushaboom
by Feist

Helping the kids out of their coats
Oh wait the babies haven't been born oh
Unpacking the bags and setting up
And planting lilacs and buttercups oh

But in the meantime we've got it hard
Second floor living without a yard
It may be years until the day
My dreams will match up with my pay

Old dirt road,
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
knee deep snow
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
Watching the fire as we grow
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
o-o-o-o-old

I got a man to stick it out
And make a home from a rented house oh
And we'll collect the moments one by one
I guess that's how the future's done oh

How many acres, how much light
Tucked in the woods and out of sight
Talk to the neighbours and tip my cap
On a little road barely on the map

Old dirt road,
mushaboom, mushaboom)
knee deep snow
mushaboom, mushaboom)
Watching the fire as we grow,
mushaboom, mushaboom)
o-o-o-o-old
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
Old dirt road rambling rose
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
Watching the fire as we grow
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
Well I'm Sold...

My beloved old roommate Crista told me I needed to blog again. I haven't actually blogged in a really long time it feels like. I finally finished Katharine Hepburn today and it's probably one of my favorites right now. What it's my favorite of I don't know. I just like to say it's one of my favorites.

My many summer adventures are not over even if California is not happening. I leave Friday for Joplin, Missouri to spend time with Crista. It's going to be so strange not having her with me this coming school year. She's staying in Missouri and going to Missouri Southern State University this fall to be closer to her family. It'll be sad without her, but she does have family in Abilene so it's not like she never comes here!

Idaho was good. I think it exhausted me so much that I don't really have anything else to say about if I'm not asked specific questions concerning the trip. I'm not even sure that made sense. I just don't have much to say. Over-priced resort. Close to family for a few days. Beautiful scenery. That about sums it up.

Harry Potter movie was amazing. Waiting for book.

Michelle Kwan 2002 Olympics Exhibition

For all of this vacation time, I still have yet to finish Katharine Hepburn. But I am loving it. She's fascinating. Here's a little clip:

"Kate ran up three flights of stairs when the servant at the East 62nd Street townhouse forbade her to use the hand-pulley elevator. She dashed into the studio unannounced, to find a corpulent woman in her fifties waiting on a gilt and velvet throne beside a music stand cluttered with Delsarte charts. Walking in the rain from Aunt Betty Hepburn's apartment has left her soaking wet. Water dripped from Kate's tousled hair and down her nose. 'I want to be an actress,' Kate said. 'I want to learn everything.'"

California is not happening. To say I'm devastated is an understatement.

I'm back in Abilene... but I wish I wasn't