Tuesday, December 01, 2009


My friend Eryn rented the movie "Phoebe in Wonderland" over the summer and we watched it together. Neither of us had any idea what it was about so we didn't know what was coming. In January I realized that my level of shyness wasn't normal. It's always been more than just being shy for me. So 6 months and two failed attempts at counseling later I sit down to watch this movie.

I don't want to give it away, but something is obviously wrong with Phoebe. She says things without being able to stop herself. She spits at people when she's angry and she can't help it. She bangs up her legs because she feels forced to play a stair jumping game. When life is difficult Phoebe escapes to Wonderland. She sees Alice and the caterpillar and the Red Queen. I don't have what Phoebe has, but I understand her. She escapes to a different world because she feels trapped in the real one. Sometimes I wish I had dealt with this when I was her age, but mostly I just wish I didn't have to deal with it at all. I can't say how many times I've asked all the questions Phoebe asks in this movie. I also wish my questions could be as easily answered.

Monday, November 09, 2009

Highland Family Camp

Just some pictures from the Highland Family Retreat or "Family Camp" as some people call it.
We found a large field of wildflowers on our hike.
It was nice to see Fall colors again!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Reading Woman

At the beginning of the year, I had planned on sharing my calendar with you because I love the pictures and the quotes. I think I made it to March and then stopped blogging regularly so this is me catching up:


I wrote my first novel because I wanted to read it.
-Toni Morrison


Reading makes immigrants of us all. It takes us away from home, but more important, it finds homes for us everywhere.
-Hazel Rochman


Wear the old coat and buy the new book.
-Austin Phelps


Fiction is like a spider's web, attached ever so lightly perhaps, butstill attached to life at all four corners.
-Virginia Woolf


A book must be the ax for the frozen sea within us.
-Franz Kafka


When I only begin to read, I forget I'm on this world. It lifts me on wings with high thoughts. -Anzia Yezierska


There are books in which the footnotes or comments scrawled by some reader's hand in the margin are more interesting than the text. The world is one of these books.
-George Santayana

November (because it's so close):

The poem had a social effect of some kind whether or not the poet willl that it have. It has kinetic force, it sets in motion... elements in the reader that would otherwise be stagnant.
-Denise Levertov

Monday, October 26, 2009


I've been wandering through a selection of poems by Emily Dickinson that I bought for $6 at Books a Million. Here's one for today:

Victory comes late,
And is held low to freezing lips --
Too rapt with frost
To take it --
How sweet it would have tasted --
Just a Drop --
Was God so economical?
His Table's spread too high for Us --
Unless We dine on tip-toe --
Crumbs -- fit such little mouths --
Cherries -- suit Robbins --
The Eagle's Golden Breakfast strangles -- Them --
God keep his Oath to Sparrows --
Who of little Love -- know how to starve --

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

On Repeat

That Year by Brandi Carlile

I must have been sleeping, I must have been drinking,
I haven't been dreaming about you for years. There was a
sharp turn and a sunburn. I was too cool for high school that year.

Must have have been New Year's. No one invited you.
Took things too far but I missed you and your antics.
You were lonesome and blue-eyed and so special to us.

You could have taken a long break instead of a
long drop from a high place. Ten years I never spoke your name.
Now it feels good to say it. You're my friend again.

Said he forgave you, I said I hated you.
He was the bigger man, I was sixteen. All of the innocence it took
For you to finally make the year book that year. That year.

You could have taken some time away instead of a long drop,
instead of a leap of faith. Ten years I never spoke your name.
Now it feels good to say that you're my friend again.
You're my friend again.

I was angry. I was a Baptist. I was a daughter. I was wrong.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Nas: Open Letter to Young Warriors in Chicago

I found this on CNN.com today...

Editor’s Note: Four teenagers have been charged with the murder of Derrion Albert, a 16-year-old whose videotaped beating death has sparked renewed outrage over the violence among youth in Chicago. Thirty-four public school students were killed during the school year last year. Rapper and songwriter Nas wrote this open letter to youth in Chicago.

Dear Young Warriors fighting the wrong wars! Killing each other is definitely played out. Being hurt from the lost of a love one was never cool.

Dear Young Warriors fighting the wrong war! I know that feeling, that frustration with life and needing to take it out on someone, any one. But….

We chose the dumbest things to go the hardest for. I remember seeing deaths over 8 ball jackets, Fila sneakers, and name plate chains. Deaths over “he say, she say”!!!!! “I’m from this block or I’m from that block”, or “my moms n pops is f*cked up now the whole world gotta pay”!!!

I remember feeling like I was the hardest “n*gga” breathing. And I couldn’t wait to prove it. But let’s think. What are we really proving?? And proving what to who?? Everybody knows Chicago breeds the strongest of the strong but I just feel, me, being ya brother from another state feels your pain as if I grew up with you in ya very own household.

You have the ability and mindpower to change they way we are looked at. Look who’s watching us young warriors, look who’s throwing us in jail constantly, look at the ignorance in the world. Look at the racist dogs who love to see us down. Loving to bury us in the ground or in jail where we continue this worthless war on one another.

Young warriors…. We are WASTING more and more time. We gotta get on our jobs and take over the world. Cuz this movie left the theaters years ago, Juice, Menace, Boys n the Hood , Blood n Blood Out, Belly!

When we see each other why do we see hatred? Why were we born in a storm, born soldiers, WARRIORS….and instead of building each other up we are at war with each other.. May the soul of this young person find peace with the almighty. I’m with you young warriors. You’re me and I’m you. But trust me! you are fighting the wrong war.


Saturday, August 22, 2009


I don't know when these feelings became my biggest problem. They always seem to creep up on me. I don't see them coming until I'm on the floor in a friend's bathroom unable to breathe because I'm sobbing so hard.

I don't know when I started hating school. I used to love it. I used to feel comfortable in the classroom. Well, not comfortable. But it used to be easier to blend into the background.

I don't know when I started questioning my every decision. I'm not comfortable with my own thought until someone else can confirm it. Then I can shift the blame in case I'm wrong.

I don't know how I keep going. to class. to work-out. to babysit. to church.

I don't know why I even care anymore.

But I do.

Moses by Patty Griffin:

Diamonds, Roses, I need Moses
To cross this sea of loneliness,
Part this red river of pain.

I don't necessarily buy
Any key to the future or happiness
But I need a little place in the sun
Sometimes or I think I will die.

Everywhere is somewhere and Nowhere is near
Every body got some body with their wine and their beer.
So I'm just this tragic figure in the corner over here
With an empty apartment and a best friend who is a queer.

Every time I see him he smiles
And he tells me how well he's walking these miles.
But he never ever asks a single thing about me
If I die, he'd hear about it eventually

Diamonds, Roses, I need Moses
To cross this sea of loneliness,
Part this red river of pain.

Everywhere is somewhere and Nowhere is near.
Every body got some body with their wine and their beer.
So I'm just this tragic figure in the corner over here
Go home to an empty apartment and call a best friend who is a queer.

Diamonds, Roses, I need Moses
To cross this sea of loneliness,
Part this red river of pain.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Slowly Coming Back

I will actually write something soon. It will just take a little bit for me to get it all down. For now, I'll just let you know what I'm hearing.

Thursday, August 06, 2009


Meet my summer obsession...

Sunday, May 03, 2009

It's Been Awhile

Hope has been a recurring theme during my semester. I started out pretty full of it. But somewhere around mid-semester it just disappeared. I couldn't find it for a long time. Only recently have I found what's left of it. I realized that I had never completely lost it. It had been with me the whole time. I had just been beating it so severely that it had become unrecognizable. I think it's healing now. Slowly. But I'm starting to remember what it looks like. Just in time for my twenty-first.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


I've been reading Woman Hollering Creek by Sandra Cisneros for my Multicultural Literature class. Sometimes I just have to share:

What they don't understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you're eleven, you're also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don't. You open your eyes and everything's just like yesterday, only it's today. And you don't feel eleven at all. You feel like you're still ten. And you are--underneath the year that makes you eleven.
Like some days you might say something stupid, and that's that part of you that's still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your mama's lap because you're scared, and that's the part of you that's five. And maybe one day when you're all grown up maybe you will need to cry like if you're three, and that's okay. That's what I tell Mama when she's sad and needs to cry. Maybe she's feeling three.
Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That's how being eleven years old is.
You don't feel eleven. Not right away. It takes a few days, weeks even, sometimes even months before you say Eleven when they ask you. And you don't feel smart eleven, not until you're almost twelve. That's the way it is.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Be as careful of the books you read, as of the company you keep, for your habits and character will be as much influenced by the former as by the latter. ~Paxton Hood

Monday, March 02, 2009

Prone to Sinus Infections

That is what the top of my medical file should read. Since the last time I blogged, I got a cold and thought I had gotten over it. But it lingered and has become a lot more trouble than I really wanted around Mid-Term time. Only two things are getting me through: 1-next week is Spring Break, and 2-at least it's not mono like everyone else has.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Bad Day

I've had a bad day. I had a test at eight o'clock which I didn't wake up for. Well, I woke up at seven and decided I would sleep in just a little bit longer, but I wound up sleeping until 8:05. Normal people would have just jumped from bed and ran to take the test, but not me. I hate the feeling of everyone watching you as you walk in late. So I e-mailed my teacher and he arranged for me to take the test any time after 3:00 p.m. I skipped my 9:30 exercise science because I was so exhausted from my stressful morning. And I skipped chapel. I didn't end up reading anything I was supposed to for my 1:30 class, but that was probably the highlight of my day. I then went to go take my test, but it wasn't waiting for me in the office like it was supposed to (it probably slept through its alarm too). So I went to the medical clinic to get my blood drawn for some tests--that was fun. Now, I probably won't get to go to boot camp today because I have so much homework for tomorrow that I haven't started yet.

Is it Wednesday yet?

Monday, February 02, 2009


Fiction reveals truth that reality obscures. ~Jessamyn West

Monday, January 26, 2009

Reading and Reading and Reading

These are my two book lists. They do not include what I have already read this semester: The House On Mango Street, The Catcher In The Rye, and The Power Of Myth. Nor do they include the textbooks I've been reading.

Reading For School
-The Children of Húrin by J.R.R. Tolkien
-Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
-Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis
-Hood by Stephen R. Lawhead
-The Once and Future King by T.H. White
-Native Son by Richard Wright
-Quicksand by Nella Larsen
-Passing by Nella Larsen
-Claiming Breath by Diane Glancy
-Mysterious Skin by Scott Heim
-The City In Which I Loved You by Li-Young Lee
-The Way To Rainy Mountain by N. Scott Momaday
-... And The Earth Did Not Devour Him by Tomás Rivera
-Good Will Hunting Screenplay by Matt Damon and Ben Affleck

Reading Not For School (on my bookshelf waiting to be read):
-Dreams From My Father by Barack Obama
-Mansfield Park by Jane Austen
-Middlemarch by George Eliot
-Home by Julie Andrews
-The Children of Men by PD James
-The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
-Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
-This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald
-My Name Is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok
-The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan
-The Moviegoer by Walker Pearcy
-M. Butterfly by David Henry Hwang

I let you know how far I get with my second list since I HAVE to read the first one.
A little extra challenge for the new semester.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Thursday, January 15, 2009


This is to show you a little bit of Oxford in motion... this is the sandwich shop we all went to almost everyday.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

The Reading Woman

My quote for January from my new calendar:

A book is a garden you can carry in your pocket. -Arabian proverb